I absolutely love a good inspirational read, workshop/seminar, retreat, blog or whatever and I am not saying that these things are bad … Just that they (like anything else) could be used in a way that isn’t serving you.

Here are 3 reasons why personal growth books are keeping you stuck:

#1 – The Inspiration Fix: We might get into the habit of depending on personal growth books for inspiration and to get our ‘guidance fix’.  Meanwhile, our wisdom is right here and waiting to be tapped into anytime…

I know that sometimes we all feel a little inspirationally ‘flat lined’ and a good pump can feel nice once in a while.  But any regular act (yes any) that involves looking outside of ourselves for guidance and inspiration disempowers us.  It prevents us from really shinning our own light and owning the greatness that already lives within.

#2 – They Are the Experts (apparently):  If ‘they’ are the expert of how to live than what does that make you?  I will always be learning and will never experience everything in life.  So for that reason it’s wonderful to read about how others have lived, their stories, what they overcame and to see life through their eyes.  That’s the point though; it’s life through THEIR eyes, not mine.

The reason I fall in love with these great people is also because they are marching to the beat of their own drum and being themselves!  So doesn’t it make more sense for me to do the same too?  If I continuously absorb their truths and reflections then I miss out on discovering my own.  That ain’t cool!

#3 – They Help You Avoid Feeling:  Feeling our emotions (rather than rationalizing or distracting ourselves from them) is the best innate healing mechanism we possess, thanks to Mother Nature.  It is also the hardest one to utilize because feeling shitty is uncomfortable.  On top of that many of us think that feeling shitty means we have failed or done something wrong.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  It means we are courageous enough to face our own demons to do our inner work, which can get a little messy time to time…

The problem with personal growth books is that they can sometimes act as a distraction from the emotions that arise.  In short, they can act as a little band-aid.  Once and a while this is all good but remember too much of a good thing…

Fun little exercise!

So here’s a challenge for you.  Stop reading any of those personal growth books for just one month.  What do you think?  Does it make you feel fine, nervous, angry or annoyed?  Your emotional reaction to this exercise will tell you if this would be a good test for you.

To replace those reads over the next month, cultivate inspiration and guidance the good ol’ fashion way!  Journal, be mindful, feel, breath, speak – you are already equipped with all the inspiration and enlightenment you need.  Now go out and enjoy that feeling of empowerment!

Side Note: Yes, yes, yes I realize I am shooting myself in my own foot with this blog post but I want to write on challenges that I or my clients have gone through… chances are we aren’t the only ones going through it.  Right?

I have been there too and I am pretty impressed with how sneaky and effective my self-sabotaging can be.  If I could make money off all the self- sabotaging I think I would be one rich and unhappy lady!

Here are the 3 most common ways we sabotage ourselves and how to minimize their negative effects:

Self-Sabotage Crime #1 – Comparing to others

This feels/ looks like a balloon deflating in the air.  Comparing ourselves to others is such a poor way of living and I wouldn’t recommend it.  If you are in the habit of looking around to other people to validate how much you suck then you are doing the worst self-sabotage crime of all. Comparing does not motivate us, or instill inspiration… it deflates our sense of self-worth and keeps us feeling paralyzed.

Note the distinction: Admiring or respecting someone is awesome and very inspiring!  That is very different from comparison.

I remember when I started going into business for myself; I would look around at all the ‘competition’ and think “Wow, they are so awesome I could never be like them”.  I basically felt like giving up before even trying…  The truth is we will never know what it’s really like to be in someone else’s shoes and the grass is always greener on the other side.

It is better to compare ourselves to our own previous accomplishments and each day aim to beat those.  Now that’s an inspiring way to live!

Self-Sabotage Crime #2 -Avoiding making mistakes

If you were like me you were born into a family that encouraged you to never make mistakes.  I grew up being a bit of a perfectionist, combined with being type A… well you get the picture.  Only very recently did I finally start accepting that making mistakes was vital for growing and learning.  Come to think of it, some of my absolute best achievements were preceded by a pretty major “mistake”.

The sad thing is when you go through life trying to avoid making mistakes you end up committing the biggest crime of all: aiming too low.

If we keep our minds open to failing and making mistakes while being open to learning from them (that’s key)… then our self-sabotaging ways will never win in the end.

Self-Sabotage Crime #3 -Waiting for the perfect time

How many times have you said, “it’s not the right time yet”?  The right time to launch your new business, leave a bad relationship, have that conversation, tell the truth…

I’ve learned over the years that it is never the right time.  When you get to that time in the future, you will discover that it is still not the right time.  This is by far one of the trickiest ways we sabotage ourselves.

Be alert because this one has derailed me and held me back plenty of times (more than I care to admit).  Action is the only remedy for this ailment.  Any action will do.

What are your sneaky ways of self-sabotage?  Chances are there are wayyyyyyy more

Here goes!

There is no such thing as black or white… grey predominates

Intelligence is measured in many different ways

Wisdom communicated loses most of its essence

There are some things I will never fully understand

Making peace with myself makes it possible to make peace with others

Challenges are the most precious thing that life can give us

Searching is necessary until it isn’t

Learning to feel all emotions fully is the ticket to true freedom

Intimacy is more than just in the bedroom

People treat others the way they treat themselves

No one knows for sure what happens after

Comparing gets you nowhere but lost

A good life begins and ends with love

One conversation can change your life

If you feel old, you are old and if you feel young, you are young

My fears always point me towards my purpose

Walking is a gift and so is everything else

Running away is the easy way out

Falling in love doesn’t have to look like a fairy tale

There are over 2 billion different realities and counting

What makes sense now might not tomorrow

Following your heart requires courage

Life is simplified by listening to our hearts

Everything is as it should be and why wouldn’t it be?

 

Now it’s your turn, what have you learned so far on your journey?

Welcome to Step 3 ~ Knowing What YOU Want

You’re probably thinking… If I knew what I wanted I wouldn’t be here.

Well, that is true but you definitely know some things about what you want and don’t want and I’m gonna pull that out of you!

Sometimes the best place to start is by asking, what isn’t working anymore? (For some reason we have a much easier time answering that question)

So, what isn’t working anymore?  I mean, what has inspired you to even ponder a new career/ job, purpose and passion?  Something has motivated you to take a look at this.  It may be a feeling in the pit of your stomach or a nagging feeling in your head …telling you that you’re not living to your full potential.

I remember when I was questioning my whole career/ job path.  I started working a job that I didn’t want because I need to make some money and pay bills.  I hated it and was drained even before I started my day.  It felt like I was climbing a hill from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed.  I could even notice that other areas of my life were being negatively affected by this job.  My health wasn’t great because I had no energy or desire to take care of my tired and pathetic self.  I didn’t feel like being as social since my mood was crappy and I probably sucked to be around overall.  All those things were signs that I wasn’t doing what I was suppose to.

So check in with yourself and ask what isn’t working any more.  It may be the hours, the environment, the people, the position, the pay, the responsibilities, the lack of ______________ , the presence of  _______________ .  Or it might just be that deep down there is a feeling that something isn’t right (let your intuition be your guide).

Write down your answers to the question - What isn’t working anymore?

Looking on the bright side: The truth is I did enjoy some parts of that job.  I was well compensated, the hours were flexible and I wasn’t stuck at a desk all day.. those things work very well for me!  I’m sure that there are also some positives in your current situation too.

Ask yourself, what is working right now?  And write down your answers to that question.

Now look back at the list of things that are not working for you anymore (first list).  They often tell you what you really want.  The trick is to identify the opposite of what you wrote.  For example, I didn’t like my job because I wasn’t able to really interact with people in a meaningful way.  So by looking at that and flipping it around I can see that I really need to interact with others in a meaningful way in order to be happy.  Go through each point and flip it around to discover what you do want.

Now it’s time to reflect on the previous 2 steps.  Go back and review step 1 and step 2 to see if there are any patterns or common denominators from your reflections.  Click on the links below to access the previous steps:

Step 1 – Values exercise

Step 2 – Strengths exercise

What do all your findings tell you about you?  What has become more clear?  Is there anything that’s still unclear?

You are all finished with step 3 – Congrats.  If you still feel stuck, then feel free to drop me a line!

Step 2 – Know Your Strengths

Chances are, you already know what you are good at.  The problem is you might not be recognizing them as strengths.  Or even worse, you are thinking that you should be better at something else.

I abide by the philosophy that to be happy and fulfilled, you have to play off your strengths.  Your strengths are your keys to success but unfortunately most people focus on what they are not good at.  Frankly, I think it’s a big waste of time to work on those things because the list is endless.  Besides, other people are great at those things and that’s where collaboration comes into play.

You will always be good at your strengths but the real growth comes from building off of that.  For example, one of my top strengths is Communication.  I like to communicate.  Most people who know me would agree.  Does it mean I am awesome at communicating… well no.  Just ask my boyfriend.

But it means that I have a natural strength for it.  Our strengths are also indicators of what brings us joy, not really surprising right?  I get so much joy from communicating with others.  So if I want to go from being a decent communicator to a great one than I’ve got to challenge myself.  Take courses, practice often, read up on the topic… ect.  The point is that if I want to feel purposeful and joyful (same thing?) then I’ve got to build off my strength of communication.

When clients complete a strengths finder test they are rarely totally shocked by the results.  If anything, they feel a sense of validation and relief.  This is usually because they have spent years trying to be something they were not and had spent a lot of time working on the areas they hated.

Imagine what it would feel like to use the skills you were born with or to just relax into yourself and do what brings you joy!

How do you discover your top strengths?  Well, I love, love, love the Strengths Finder 2.0 test.  The test will tell you what your top 5 strengths are and can be completed online.  You have to buy the book which has an access code for the test in it but it will be the best $25 you spend all year!  Seriously.

If you want to discover your strengths without spending a dime, here’s another option.

The Strengths Finder Exercise:

Write out a list of 5 – 10 previous jobs you have had.  Under each job write out the 3 to 5 things that you enjoyed best about it (even if you hated your job, I’m sure there was one or two things you loved/liked about it).   Once you have finished writing out 3-5 things you enjoyed about each job, review them and see if there are any common denominators.  You may have chosen, ‘enjoyed helping customers’ a lot or ‘loved planning and organizing ______’.  Those consistent answers will give you clues to what your strengths are.  Why?  Because your strengths are also what give you joy.  Now go out and discover your strengths!

Tip:  If you are having a hard time finding the common denominators from the above exercise, pass it on to someone and see if they can notice any patterns.

Now that you know your strengths you are so close to discovering your ideal career, just one more step to go!  Step 3 – Know What You Want.  Stay tuned.

Vancouver Life Coach 

♥ Step 2 To Your Ideal Career ~ Know Your Strengths

♥ Step 3 To Your Ideal Career ~ Know What YOU Want

Are you surprised that the 3 steps to discovering your ideal career involve you going within?

Your career is actually the manifestation of YOU.

The dreams, the ether, the hope, the uniqueness – that all stays in your head and your career brings all those together into the tangible world.    We each have an amazing platform on Earth to manifest our brilliance.. Yah!  How fun is that?  Thanks world!

Having said that, not everyone decides to bring their dreams into reality.  Why?  Because it takes a lot of courage and a willingness to feel uncomfortable most days, hours and minutes of the week.  It’s not the path for the faint of heart but it’s the path for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

Discovering your ideal career begins and ends with going inside for the answers.  Your mom doesn’t have the answer, your dad doesn’t, your partner doesn’t have it either and your friends… god love ‘em, they don’t have a clue.  You do.

So this is how we’ll do it.  Over the next week I will blog on the other two steps to discovering your ideal career.  In the meantime, step up to Step 1 today!

Step 1 To Discovering Your Ideal Career – Know Your Values

Values are like oxygen, you will die without them… Okay, okay maybe it’s not that drastic.  But let’s just say that life would be hell if you were not living your values.  Take me as an example!

One of my biggest values is adventure!  I love thrill, excitement, change, and unexpected twists and turns.  It’s invigorating.  When I began my career as I life coach I had an amazing opportunity come my way.  A wellness center hired me to work full time as their Life Coach.  So I came to work 5 days a week and saw between 5-6 clients a day.  Not to mention I had the most awesome office ever!  Calm music, aromatherapy, dimmed lights … oh I miss that.  But guess what?  After 2 months on my new life coaching job I looked around my cozy office and thought… ‘Is this it?’  Where was the challenge, the chase, the adventure?  I was very unsatisfied in that environment.

So you know a bit more about values (and me!), now it’s time to discover your values so you can discover your ideal career!   Your happiness is dependent on how much or how little you are living and honouring them.  Ask yourself these 2 questions and write down the answers somewhere.

1) When were you so unbelievably happy in your life?  What values were you honoring?

2) When in your life have you felt completely low and shitty?  What values were not being honored?

If you want a list of values to review for some inspiration click – The Core Value Worksheet

Do you have questions about this step?  If so, email me! @ Vancouver Life Coach

… stay tuned for Step 2 – Know Your Strengths!

Life Coach Myth # 1

Thank god this isn’t true.  If this was the case, I’d be in big trouble… financially that is.  Luckily I don’t need to be smarter or more experienced than my clients.  A life coach has to be equipped with unique skills, tools and techniques for life coaching to be successful.  Life experience and education are important but there are also certain innate qualities that make life coaches great at what they do.

Life Coach Myth #2 – Life Coaches give advice.

Nope.  You must be wondering why I get paid and wondering what exactly I get paid to do now.  Here it is:

Life coaches help you to discover the solutions and answers within yourself.

Sound kinda cheesy or vague?  Perhaps.  But despite what you may sometimes think, you are a lot wiser than you give yourself credit for.  Besides, if the answers come from me then it becomes a weird co-dependent type relationship where you rely on me for solutions.  I want my coaching clients to feel empowered and equipped to take on anything that life throws their way with or without me.  What I provide is a space to explore, powerful questions, tools to get unstuck and suggestions to move forward.  The real work and change comes from within you.

Life Coach Myth #3 – Life coaching takes a long time to get any real results.

I love debunking these myths, especially this one.  I always suggest that clients invest at least 3 months to the life coaching process.  The reason I suggest a minimum amount of time is because some patterns/habits take a little while to unlearn.   However, I see incredible results after just one session!  The one thing I would say about life coaching is that it takes lots of effort and commitment for it to be effective.  Then again, doesn’t anything worthwhile?

Life Coach Myth #4 - Successful people wouldn’t benefit from life coaching.

Yikes.  If this was the case than I would be out of business and so would every other life coach.  It’s just like saying Olympic athletes wouldn’t benefit from working with their coaches.  Not true, right?  Life coaching helps people go from good to great.  Having said that, good is good and many people would consider that a success.  But for me, I believe that good isn’t good enough.  Winning the Nationals is amazing but winning the Olympic gold is even more awesome!  Now that I think about it, I’ve never won any metals before … except for a few ribbons on Sports Day… the participation ones.

Life Coach Myth #5 – Life coaches don’t need to work with a Life Coach.

I find it funny when people are surprised to hear that I work with a life coach.  Just because I can coach others doesn’t mean I know how to coach myself.  It’s like expecting a surgeon to perform a successful surgery on their own body.  Not happening.  Yes, like anyone else I need accountability, someone to challenge me more than I would on myself and someone to pull me out of my comfort zone when I get comfy.  Sadly I can’t be objective enough with myself to do that on my own.

To wrap up my rant…

Since life coaching is a new field I feel a “professional obligation”, you could say, to debunk some of the myths that are out there.  After believing most of them myself at one point I realize that it comes with the territory of being a young field.   Luckily I didn’t let these myths deter me because the more I learned about life coaching the more I appreciate just how amazing this field truly is.

Questions or other life coach myths?  Share yours down below!

Waking up inspired every day is a possibility if you agree with this:

That despite what your mind tells you, you do deserve a life of inspiration, vitality and success.

So even though your dream seems overwhelming (I know it does) once you accept that… the rest is gravy.

Designing a life that we dream of is often corrupted by the mind with fears, worries and by looking way too far up the road.  One step at a time is how you will create your empire and your dream.

Are you ready to accept that you deserve to live a life that inspires you?  When you say yes to that things will begin to unfold beautifully…

Believe it or not, the hardest thing to overcome is realizing that you DO deserve it.

I’m talking about the real vulnerable ones not just anger, annoyance or irritation but hurt, sadness and loneliness – the ones that go very deep.

These are the emotions that make us feel very small, innocent and open for rejection.  I’m not saying that everyone has a hard time with this but I have yet to meet one person who hasn’t struggled with this challenge in their life.

Why do most of us struggle with this?  We have been taught at an early age that being vulnerable is dangerous and over the years we have learned to protect ourselves from other people’s ‘attack’.

Normally I’m not a huge fan of doing something that is motivated by fear but the only reason we would need to protect ourselves is because we are afraid.  Afraid of what?  That is unique to each one of us.  All I know is that if we cut ourselves off from truly expressing our needs and vulnerability we also cut ourselves off from getting what we actually want.  Go figure.

Learning to communicate your needs honestly, authentically and without attitude is the only way to develop real self-love and authentic connections with others.

Read these five tips that will help you shift your perspective and inspire you to communicate your needs more authentically:   

1. Be mindful: The first step to being able to communicate your emotions honestly, authentically and without attitude is to become more self-aware.  As a rule of thumb, in emotional situations try to focus more on your own reactions and feelings rather than the other person(s).
2. Change your attitude: It always starts with us. You have to realize that what is coming up for you is no one else’s fault or responsibility.  They are just a catalyst for what was already there in the first place.  You got to get out of the blaming and complaining mode.
3. Assess if your fears are justified: Let’s face it; some people will take advantage of us if we open up to them.  Assess if your fear is legitimate and if it is, ask yourself why you have them around in the first place.
4. Practice opening up later:  If you are not able to communicate effectively in the moment when the emotional ‘charge’ is high, try talking about it later on once you and the other party have chilled out a bit.  Be sure to express how you felt in the moment and don’t use it as an opportunity to blame them for the situation
5. Journal on it:  Spending time reflecting on your emotions helps you to understand them better and communicate them honestly and authentically.  This is an amazing tool for you to develop clarity and understand yourself better.

*Reality check*  This is a lifelong process.  Make me a promise that regardless of how many times you try, you will not give up and you will not be hard on yourself.  Just try your best and stay committed to communicating honestly, authentically and without attitude.  Good luck!

So… here’s to being single forever!  No that’s not a solution sadly.

Seriously though, meaningful relationships should drive you a little bit crazy.  Trust me it’s not as weird as it sounds. First of all, deep intimate relationships are not for the faint of heart. Agree?

They will challenge you in ways you’ve never been challenged before, they will bring up your deepest fears and insecurities….

Yes I know I’m leaving out a huge component that separates totally dysfunctional relationships from totally inspiring ones.  Here it is:

Both partners must be completely committed to supporting the other (and themselves) to face the self-sabotaging patterns that keep them from being their best. 

So many people end relationships abruptly not because they weren’t great for each other but because one or both of them couldn’t commit to the above concept.

Remember:  You’re not perfect, she’s not perfect and either is he.  We are all just human doing the best we can and sometimes it means we will make mistakes and hurt each other.

What’s important is how you respond after wards.  And asking yourself, if that response is truly getting you the result you want.

Intimate relationships are the best mirror into yourself.  It is a powerful tool for personal growth if you are willing to handle the heat.  What’s the benefit?  Well.. what do you think?

Meaningful relationships should drive you crazy but they should also inspire you to learn how to forgive and love deeper then ever before.